Love is all that matters After All

Everything happens for a reason, i suppose.
and i've come to the conlcusion that i have to smile because it happend, not cry because its gone.
im sure i will still fall out and cry every once in a while, but ive had a few days to myself here lately to just cry and get out Every ounce of what i was feeling about my uncle's death, [thank you daddy and trisha for being there, you have no idea how much it means to me.] I knew i needed to cry, i had felt it coming, and when it came, it came hard. I'm not the type of person who breaks down and cries, and i have to say that is one perrault trait i got, we are all strong willed.
we want to make sure everyone else is okay before we deal with ourselves. for any of my family members reading this, take my advice. because if i know you like i think i do all of you damn perraults have probably yet to fully break down and just cry. Do it. I know it sounds crazy, why? why would u want to cry, because it makes you realize, really realize, yes he is gone. but you know what. You are still here. and he would want us to make the best of it, he loves us all so much. and he wouldnt want us to be sad and crying, but he see's how much he meant to us.
My dad told me that was always a fear of uncle dennis', that he wouldnt be missed enough or that he didnt make a big enough impact in the world. well as we all know, its bogus. and now that hes looking down on us, he sees that. and he is smiling.
All you can do is cry, there will be moments in the day when you feel like crying, just go into a room by yourself and let it out, because ones the tears of sadness happen, then there will eventually come tears of joy. Filled with all the amazing memories that we got to share with him, and we will remember all the love that he gave us.
and thats what really matters.
That time that we did get with him, was amazing. was fun, and loving, everything positive. yes hes gone in the physical sense, but only if you chose to close out those memories does he really disappear. because i know he will forever be in my heart.
I will carry him with me every day of my life.

To all of my family and friends: I love you all, so much. I know ive said this many times recently, but i just have to make it known, so you will ALWAYS know. that i love you. all of you have had such a big impact on my life, and i thank everyone of you for being apart of my life. Even if some of us have drifted away a little bit, you are still in my heart. always and forever.
All i have left, is love to give. so its what im going to do, because love, is all that matters after all.

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Wow, alot has happend here in the past few days, I had another breakdown. I made a silly mistake, why i did it, im not quite sure. I called my uncle Dennis' Number, and listened to his voicemail. That made me break down, i dont know why i did it. i think i just wanted to hear his voice again. It's just so hard not having him in my life anymore and i am trying my hardest to cope with it. but its just so painful. the only one's that can truely understand the hurt are those that knew him like I did. Like the family. Alot of people lose someone all the time, but this is different, this was uncle dennis. and it is different, to know how it feels to lose him can only be known by those who did lose him. But I got through the night, thanks to my daddy. he definately helped me. I love my family so much, words cannot express.

but another thing that happend last night, My best friend/Sister Got engaged. I'm happy for her. but im scared. i dont want to lose the one person that has been there for me through thick and thin. and im nervous that steven is going to take my place =[.

I am happy for her, dont get me wrong, nothing makes me happier than knowing that she is happy. but im just scared.

she is, and always will be. my best friend.

Til the next Blog.

<3stephii

The Beggining.

Well, I Figured I would set my self up on a blogging site, since i must admit, ive had alot on my mind and where is a better place to write about it then in a blog?

Exactly. Whether I get readers or not, that is truely not what I care about really, I'm just looking for a place to post my thoughts.

Also, My Uncle's Best friend Ryan is on this site, and after my uncle's Recent Passing [RIP Ily], I Figured its an easier way to stay in touch along with spilling my guts on a website. Honestly, my uncle Dennis' passing is the main reason for my signing up for this site. He's put my mind in a state of confusion. Every thing ive known for the past twenty years, the way I think about things and the way I look at things in the world has just changed Completely. Every thing Can just change in a split second, of course i was aware that life changes abruptly all the time, but I never expected that at just one moment in time my uncle would be gone. Granted I was aware that he was ill and dying, but i was under the impression he was doing better and had at least 6-12 mos. I guess I was wrong huh? To explain what my uncle was like, that list could go on forever, ask anyone who knew him, in one word, Amazing. He Truely was.

But Ill Save my Journey to Start healing for another blog. Right now, I have to go Wash the hair dye out of my hair, Im Changing it completely.!

Til I blog again,

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